Sunday, February 14, 2010

If tomorrow never comes

MY PAPER WEDNESDAY FEBRUARY 10, 2010, VIWEPOINTS, PAGE A17
http://myepaper.mypaper.sg/ebook/web_php/fvbrowserjs.php?urljs=http://myepaper.mypaper.sg/ecreator/sphopf/mya100210cnd_opf_files/mya100210cnd.js&ver=Gen
BY GEOFF TAN


PHOTO: http://www.albertagg.com/images/bigpic/tan.jpg



PHOTO: GEOFF TAN

RECENTLY, a friend sent me an e-mail with an attachment titled Four Things You Cannot Recover.

Expecting a commercial spiel, I was pleasantly surprised to see that the e-mail offered a philosophical take on life. It’s amazing how four simple phrases can be so profound.




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THE STONE AFTER THE THROW
Sometimes, I have jumped the gun and blamed others when they were innocent.


PHOTO: http://batsharkrepellent.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/gl_40.jpg


My lack of sensitivity and failure to verify those accusations led me to hurt people.



PHOTO: http://buzzpreview.buzzcomics.net/2009-06/DC/gl_agent_orange_cv.jpg


These form the unpleasant incidents which will always remain regretfully carved in my memory.





These are also known as “life’s lessons”, especially if we have taken away something positive from them.



PHOTO: http://reilly2040.co.uk/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/gl41.jpg



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PHOTO: http://www.comicbookresources.com/news/preview2.php? image=previews/marvelcomics/invincibleironman/InvincibleIronMan01QuesadaVariant.jpg



THE WORD AFTER IT’S SAID
How many times, in the heat of the moment, have we blurted out unpleasant words, only to regret it afterwards?


PHOTO: http://buzzpreview.buzzcomics.net/2009-10/DC/advcs_cv6.jpg

I have, and I have learnt my lesson. Now, if I feel like venting my frustration on someone who I feel deserves it, I take a deep breath and embark on what I call “a moment of truth”, before speaking my mind.


PHOTO: http://scienceblogs.com/clock/upload/2006/06/zebra%20lion.jpeg

This “moment of truth” puts a check on me and, nine out of 10 times, I managed to approach a situation in a more civil fashion.






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THE OCCASION AFTER THE LOSS
There is a song by Garth Brooks entitled If Tomorrow Never Comes. Part of the lyrics go like this: ’Cause I’ve lost loved ones in my life/Who never knew how much I loved them/Now I live with the regret/That my true feelings for them never were revealed.


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So I made a promise to myself/To say each day how much she means to me/And avoid that circumstance/Where there’s no second chance/To tell her how I feel.



PHOTO: http://www.newsarama.com/preview_images/dcnew/jan09/5/tan-smr_v1.jpg


This serves as a reminder for us to tell people how much they mean to us right now, and not put it off to another day. Life is fragile and we should want to cherish every moment as it comes, for tomorrow is promised to no one.



PHOTO: http://images.hotels-world.com/2/org/116/hotelPhoto/0156_Le_Mas_Ferrand.jpg


THE TIME AFTER IT’S GONE
“I will spend more time with my kids after I have established my career”, or “I’m sure my wife will understand that I have to work long hours”.



PHOTO: http://www.tcvillas.com/stones_throw/stones_throw_front.jpg


“Right now, my company comes first and I need to make it successful, so that we can be comfortable for the rest of our lives.”

“I’m really busy, Dad, but I promise I will try and visit in the next few weeks to take Mum and you out for dinner.”



PHOTO: http://i87.photobucket.com/albums/k147/snowbird123/exotic% 20women/f_GlitteringGm_d2a0327.gif

Do these statements sound familiar? I have learnt the hard way that the elements that constitute our lives cannot be compartmentalised, nor neatly arranged on a schedule.


PHOTO: http://i87.photobucket.com/albums/k147/snowbird123/angels/2dam8lh-1.jpg

Life is, more interestingly, a mishmash of experiences that – when weaved together – forms a beautiful and personalised tapestry.



PHOTO: http://images.techtree.com/ttimages/story/99480_kaileenanw.jpg


So, friends, cherish today, appreciate the time you have and live it up!




PHOTO: http://i87.photobucket.com/albums/k147/snowbird123/exotic%20women/Ilcsi88-1.gif




PHOTO: http://www.outdoordays.it/res/photo/gallery/600x600/232_1.jpg

By Geoff Tan The writer is a senior vice-president of Singapore Press Holdings’ marketing division.




PHOTO: http://i87.photobucket.com/albums/k147/snowbird123/Jesus/Dividers%20and%20cross/hhygtr.gif


HELPDESK:
我的字典 - Wǒ de zì diǎn

Spiel: 长篇大伦 - cháng piān dà lùn
Verify: 证实 - zhèng shí
Blurted out: 脱口而出 - tuō kǒu ér chū
Constitute: 组成 - zǔ chéng




PHOTO: http://i87.photobucket.com/albums/k147/snowbird123/Jesus/ATT2341447-1.gif



PHOTO: http://www.albertagg.com/images/bigpic/tan.jpg


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Saturday, February 13, 2010

No love for Valentine's Day? You're not alone

WEEKEND TODAY, FEBRUARY 13 - 14, 2010, VOICES, PAGE 35
http://imcms2.mediacorp.sg/CMSFileserver/documents/006/PDF/20100213/1302VCW034.pdf
By Chung Lyn-Yi, lynyi@mediacorp.com.sg
05:55 AM Feb 13, 2010





Some couples do seem to get it right but I prefer to spend it in the company of girlfriends




For years, I have regarded Valentine's Day as something that is "much to his horror, mush to her delight".

I know a little appreciation for a significant other goes a long way. And I respect the need for one sweet day to spoil and be spoiled.

But I otherwise have no romantic notions about the affair, which I have learn, can go easily from V-Day to D-Day. Sometimes, there are painful presents involved that make you reassess your entire relationship.

One friend described to me, mournfully, a laser-cut wood carving of her name, given by her boyfriend. It was too plain to be a plaque, too prominent to be a paperweight.

"It's like he thought you didn't know your own name, and needed a reminder," her mother said, not helping.

My friend did not know what to do with this store-bought wooden expression of love. But it probably lasted longer than she and her boyfriend did, before it too, was dumped.

To this day, it ranks right up there on the top of our Worst Gift List. And it is second only to the Titanic soundtrack, played in erhu.



I had stumbled upon this rare instrumental CD in a neighbourhood shop years ago. (On a serious note, you have not experienced torture, until you have heard My Heart Will Go On teased out in the wailing strains of the Chinese fiddle.)

Much as I love a good gag gift as well, there are some things that make you go "Hmmm". For example, I recently read that soft toys of giant microbes are massively popular gifts in the States.

An innovative online retailer has gamely stocked up on heart-shaped boxes in the run-up to this weekend.

And it all sounds rather cute until you realise that it is not the Love Bug but viruses such as Herpes, HIV and H1N1 that are flying off the shelves.

I guess the chance to say "I gave my darling a sexually-transmitted disease for Valentine's Day" is too hard to pass up for some. Only for those who love a sick sense of humour.

Then there is the issue of bloomingly expensive bouquets. These are beautiful to have and to hold. But, they can plant seeds of doubt in your mind, on whether your potential husband knows the value of money.

I know some people who try valiantly to make the most of these overpriced flowers. They either dry out the stalks, or Google how to make potpourri. But as my friend observed: "Dusty rose often looks better as a colour, than as a dead flower in your living room."

To top it all off, there might be Valentine's Day restaurant promotions that leave a bitter aftertaste for the evening.

I remember feeling horribly hungry after one such set dinner at a modest Italian eatery. The teeny tiny portions did not match the huge price that was in itself, hard to stomach.

And I was too shocked by the coincidentally hiked-up prices of the a la carte dishes to order more.

I must stress that some couples do seem to get it right. They enjoy thoughtful gift exchanges without overstating the importance of the day.

And they have fun-filled celebrations that do not cross that line between cosy and casual, and costly and contrived.


PHOTO: http://www.seek4shopping.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/Wags_2.jpg


But for all the other reasons above, I prefer marking Valentine's Day the non-traditional way - in the company of girlfriends rather than men. We will huddle up with a good DVD and random bits of comfort food like potato chips, cheese and sashimi.

I expect a night of laughs over the "ghosts of boyfriends and Valentines' past" and presents which are pretty, yet practical. And I can think of no better people to celebrate a day of love and affection with, than the girls who are in many ways, the supporting cast through all of life's drama.


PHOTO: http://www.vacationplanning.net/blogs/blog_christen/09-07-27/Girlfriends_Getaway_to_WaterColor.aspx


There might be nosy relatives who look unconvinced by our single-mindedly indulgent plans this Valentine's cum Chinese New Year. But this will not dampen our spirits.

In any case, we can just tell them: No catty remarks in the Year of the Tiger.
Chung Lyn-Yi, lynyi@mediacorp.com.sg
The writer is a senior producer at Channel NewsAsia.



PHOTO: Sentosa's Light of Spring from 13 to 21 Feburary 2010 (Free Event)
WEEKEND TODAY, FEBRUARY 13 - 14, 2010, VOICES, PAGE 36
http://imcms2.mediacorp.sg/CMSFileserver/documents/006/PDF/20100213/1302BPW036.pdf



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Friday, February 12, 2010

Live, Work and Play at Lorong Halus

TODAY, FRIDAY, 5TH FEBRUARY, 2010, NEWS, PAGE 10
http://imcms2.mediacorp.sg/CMSFileserver/documents/006/PDF/20100205/0502HNR014.pdf
By Neo Chai Chin, chaichin@mediacorp.com.sg


ECONOMIC STRATEGIES COMMITTEE RECOMMENDATIONS
Live, Work, Play - Self-contained enclaves may help maximise land value



PHOTO: TODAY, FRIDAY, 5TH FEBURARY, 2010, NEWS, PAGE 10

SINGAPORE - The Economic Strategies Committee thinks that Singapore should have more liveable industrial townships.

Instead of the manufacturing clusters that come to mind now, the image for the future is a clean, high-rise complex with manufacturing, research and test-bedding facilities under one roof.



PHOTO: Water Quality Assessment for Punggol & Serangoon Reservoirs
http://www.cpgcorp.com.sg/admin/files/portfolio/WQ_Assessment_for_PSRS.jpg

Tenants would enjoy shared facilities such as carparks and storage space. Housing, dining and recreational facilities would all be within easy reach of employees, with machinery discreetly and conveniently tucked underground.

“Live-work-play” enclaves with distinctive characters are the way to go, if proposals from the subcommittee on maximising land value are realised. And its members believe this is possible, as the shift toward knowledge-intensive jobs means “there will be greater room to integrate economic uses together with residential and leisure uses”.



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Industrialists have highlighted the difficulty in getting workers to commute to remote parts of Singapore, and as new and emerging industries in Singapore will bring fewer environmental concerns, “there’s really a need to bring elements together”, said sub-committee co-chair Grace Fu, who is also Senior Minister of State (National Development).

Creating liveable and desirable industrial spaces is essential to attract talented workers to Singapore, and “as the line between manufacturing and services gets blurred ... we can bring jobs closer to people and bring workers closer to workplaces”, said sub-committee member Tai Lee Siang, director of DP Architects.



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Industrial townships will have to shed their “pollution and dirty image” and become live-work-play environments within a green setting.

It was revealed yesterday, for example, that there are plans for an industrial park at Lorong Halus — a former landfill that is now a green spot with grasslands and wooded hills — with lifestyle products and food industries set amid greenery and the Serangoon River.



PHOTO: http://www.cpgcorp.com.sg/admin/files/portfolio/water%20and%20environment/Lor_Halus_Landfill_Environmental_Study.jpg


Industries of the future will be less dependent on land, so it will be possible for estate planners to “stack the spaces in high-rise configuration”, Mr Tai added.



PHOTO: Bathing in sunshine
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Such a vision has already been articulated for the Kallang Riverside precinct, which will consist of an industrial area, waterfront residences, office and entertainment venues.



PHOTO: TODAY, FRIDAY, 5TH FEBURARY, 2010, NEWS, PAGE 10


And for industrial sectors that are “large land-takers and/or with low plot ratio”, such as aerospace, pharmaceuticals, solar and marine sectors, the subcommittee asked for the Government to provide incentives to “encourage experimentation” in innovative industrial plant layouts.



PHOTO: http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1004/715579064_a9bc7f95bd_b.jpg

The aim: To achieve a smaller land footprint, given that industrial land now takes up more than 10 per cent of Singapore’s total land stock.



PHOTO: Lonely in this land
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3341/3241722136_4c7e919de6.jpg

Property observer Colin Tan of Chesterton Suntec International told MediaCorp that with relaxed zoning policies, each business cluster will likely develop a stronger identity. In the past, he said, the Government didn’t allow flexibility of use.

“Now, we say one urban centre looks very much like another because of these strict guidelines. The moment you allow some flexibility, each area will have its own distinctive identity,” Mr Tan said.



PHOTO: Punggol Serangoon Reservoir Scheme
http://www.cpgcorp.com.sg/admin/files/portfolio/water%20and%20environment/PSRS_pers.jpg

To create more land in the longer term, the sub-committee called for underground space to be developed and synergised with above-ground facilities.



PHOTO: Water Quality Assessment for Punggol & Serangoon Reservoirs
http://www.cpgcorp.com.sg/admin/files/portfolio/WQ_Assessment_for_PSRS.jpg


While it is unclear if this latest call would be in time to take advantage of ongoing underground rail works for the Downtown Line, Ms Fu said the Urban Redevelopment Authority has “started discussions at some stations”, such as the Botanic Gardens.
Neo Chai Chin, chaichin@mediacorp.com.sg



PHOTO: https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIS0g9ElTQWYUGJ7-tUiD04VeqnGtfIFa-3PfVQBfkiRHfWZOGJI4prYPmw6C6DI3cO9lQBIho8SgLzhwsNcSaLOAZ-old0ktZWvzbQjkYHWZkqdqDXJe6RFz5_drykfGwRNrYzSMf1ZtD/s1600-h/801166040210_0_BG.jpg


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Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Marriage, Many women marry for better or for worse

TODAY, Wednesday February 10, 2010, VOICES, PAGES 32
http://imcms2.mediacorp.sg/CMSFileserver/documents/006/PDF/20100210/1002VOR034.pdf
Letter from Mrs David Chng Heng Chye





‘Many women marry for better or for worse’ - Wives who walk out
I was very indignant when I read “No more for poorer?” (Feb 9) especially the paragraph that stated “Many women may not want to go through a tough journey with husbands who may not be economically reliable in these very challenging times”.

Many women marry for better or for worse and are willing to stick by their spouses through thick or thin. That is why the number of couples who divorce remain relatively small to those who stay married.

On Monday night, the episode of Life Transformers featured a woman who is willing to stick by her husband although he is jobless. This woman has been working hard to support the extended family.

One of her young sons also has attention deficit disorder.

Personally, I am happily married. I love my hubby for his thoughtfulness, good nature and hands-on attitude.

Having our children (the third one is due in September) make our lives complete.

Before one gets married, it is important to open the eyes wide and to understand the other party well.

My husband and I went through a marriage preparation course together before marriage and this certainly paved the way.

I am sure I am not the only one who has found marriage very fulfilling. We must not be disheartened by a few extreme cases where wives walk out on their husbands when the men lose their financial reliability.
Letter from Mrs David Chng Heng Chye




Posted on www.todayonline.com
From Mark Wong
I don’t know if it is a general trend, but I too have noticed the same thing that Mr Gilbert Goh has pointed out.

In Singapore, at least, it appears that the ability to find and keep a wife very much depends on continued ability to contribute to the household income.




From Constance Chong
When a marriage fails, both parties are responsible. My husband was out of a job for two-and-a-half years. This ordeal strengthened our marriage with love, trust, acceptance, forgiveness and reconciliation all playing a part.

It was a difficult time, but we finally saw the light behind the darkness and learnt to cherish each other more. I encourage families in a similar situation to press on, knowing that the darkness will end.



From Col
The ladies go out to work and the last thing they want is to empty their pockets to help for the “short-term”. I speak from experience, having an ex-wife who walked out on me after just nine months of marriage.

Though we have never argued, but when I was retrenched from a high-paying job and was not working for almost a year, she thought I was not able to get that kind of salary in the future. I never ventured into any vices, but with her workmates egging her to quit, she decided to end the marriage.

In the work place, that has many ladies, they tend to discuss and gossip how their husbands would provide for them.



By Dr. Bill Maier Focus On The Family
From Academy od Certified Counsellors
Transforming Lives From Within®
Conferences, Workshops, Training in Counselling, Pychology & Special Needs
Hotline: 6339 5411
www.certifiedcounsellors.org

FIGHTING GOING TOO FAR
How far is too far when married couples argue? Every couple has arguments and disagreements from time to time. It is a normal part of any relationship. But how do you know when your marriage has crossed over from normal conflict to serious problems?

According to Dr James Dobson, the difference between stable families and those in serious trouble is defined by what happens after a fight.

In a healthy relationship, confrontation ends in forgiveness. Couples come back together again, showing their love and respect for each other and then put the matter behind them.

But, in unstable marriages, conflict produces even greater pain and resentment. And the anger will usually hang on until the next fight. This causes bitterness to build and accumulate.

It is a devastating dynamic that will eventually kill the marriage. That is why a proverb tells us not to let the sun go down on our wrath.



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Marriage, No more for the poorer


TODAY, Tuesday February 9, 2010, VOICES, PAGE 26
http://imcms2.mediacorp.sg/CMSFileserver/documents/006/PDF/20100209/0902VOL026.pdf
By Gilbert Goh





Modern marriages equate wedded bliss with financial stability

A FRIEND of mine recently separated from his wife of five years. The worst part of the separation was when she walked out last year while he was jobless.

She was not open either to counselling or to seeking any assistance to resolve their marital issues. It was a deep stab wound in my friend’s already fragile self esteem and confidence.

Although there were other issues that affected the marriage, it seemed that my friend’s inability to contribute financially for the duration of the marriage prompted her to walk away from the relationship.


PHOTO: http://www.haasestall.de/weisheiten/ehe.jpg

It is fortunate that the couple have no children, but the walkout has caused my friend plenty of heartache and dismay. He has not been able to function properly in the past few months with insomnia and depression his constant companions.

The only light he has seen at the end of the proverbial tunnel is that he has finally found a job after a year of being out of work.

I also heard of another middle-aged man who lost his family after being involved in a serious accident. After a long spell of therapy and hospitalisation, he happily went home only to find that his family had packed up and left the house.

He later received a lawyer’s letter from his wife seeking a separation. It is apparent that the wife saw him as a likely liability because, after the accident, he may no longer be economically active to provide for the family.


PHOTO: http://www.haasestall.de/weisheiten/ehe.jpg http://imagecache2.allposters.com/images/APG/502-20761.jpg

I am sure that there are many other similar cases of wives walking out on the family when the man is found to be wanting in terms of providing for the family.

Many women may not want to go through a tough journey with husbands who may not be economically reliable in these very challenging times.

Recent statistics have shown that, in general, more women file for separation when the marriage runs aground.

Have local women grown soft and are no longer able to sustain relationships when facing a rocky patch?

These examples demonstrate how much modern marriages equate wedded bliss with financial stability. Whatever happened to the marriage vow “for poorer or for richer”?

As Singapore recovers from a deep recession, let us hope that we grow stronger and become more resilient. We may have lost our jobs, but let us not lose our families when we need them most.
By Gilbert Goh


PHOTO: http://dl10.glitter-graphics.net/pub/1803/1803990yle7t24eel.gif


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